I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
