uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
