she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
