He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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