porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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