he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
