the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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