just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
