You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
