Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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