hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
