he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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