She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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