Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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