why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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