dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
