Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
