im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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