my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
