What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I want a musical about memes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
