she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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