i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
