i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Randomize
