She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
