can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
