Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
