It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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