am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
