My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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