i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
