How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
