we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
