goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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