Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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