Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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