Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
