nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
