wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
