forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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