did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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