Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
