that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
