A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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