All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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