He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
