Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
