the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
