Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
