My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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