Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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