I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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