You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
