from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so let's talk penis.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
