She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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