2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
