Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
