tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
