I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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