Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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