We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
