The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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