According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In America we eat man semen.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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