Yo dont text me then not text me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
