i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
